How to fall in love all over again
Don't let the title fool you... This isn't just for the ladies.
This is for the lost, the broken, the lonely, the single, and the sad. Please continue...👇
A few months ago, I decided to start a podcast called "Love Logically".
Originally, it was called "My Next Relationship" in the fact that I was hoping to give someone faith, in just that, their next relationship.
But the more I talked to friends, coworkers, acquaintances about their troubled relationship statuses, let down's, and disappointments with potential love interest, the more I found that no one knew what the f**k they actually wanted, much less how to get it. 😒
How do I know this?
Because, I was one of those people. 👤
I too, once believed in the fairy tale fantasy of "one true love" (which is true to some extent), and that "if it's meant to be, it will be", and that no work on my part actually had to be done. That it was just "supposed to happen" (at some point at least).
WRONG WRONG WRONG
"In order to change the way something is, you must first know WHY it is the way it is."
-Unknown
Why do so many of us have it wrong? There are many factors, but I'll highlight the few important ones.
We have been lied to. Yes, you and I have been lied to about what an actual healthy, happy and loving relationship actually is.
How do you imagine it now?
It probably follows some version of this narrative (at least if you're a hopeless romantic like me)...
There you are, minding your own business, down at your local coffee shop just doing some work. When all of a sudden, like a freight train out of nowhere, some stunning young woman (or man) walks in with a big smile on their face, ray of sunshine beaming down on them, as if God had sent them Himself.
You, trying to keep your composure, can feel your heart racing, adrenaline spiking, eyes dilating.
They order their drink and don't notice you at first, but as if by some magic, conversation organically is brought up, most likely by them because you're too shy to say sh*t.
Their chit-chat about your computer, backpack, shoes, or jacket is the topic of conversation, and it's just all smiles and shared laughter.
You both can feel the tension, keep it light, but your soul is on fire.
Before the conversation is over, you exchange numbers, still googly-eyed, and promise to chat and meet up at a future date. Because as we know (not really), this 3 minute exchange was enough to get you both so flustered, neither one of you can wait to see the other again.
And from there, it's fantasy after fantasy after fantasy, happily ever after...BULLSH*T!
This is for the lost, the broken, the lonely, the single, and the sad. Please continue...👇
A few months ago, I decided to start a podcast called "Love Logically".
Originally, it was called "My Next Relationship" in the fact that I was hoping to give someone faith, in just that, their next relationship.
But the more I talked to friends, coworkers, acquaintances about their troubled relationship statuses, let down's, and disappointments with potential love interest, the more I found that no one knew what the f**k they actually wanted, much less how to get it. 😒
How do I know this?
Because, I was one of those people. 👤
I too, once believed in the fairy tale fantasy of "one true love" (which is true to some extent), and that "if it's meant to be, it will be", and that no work on my part actually had to be done. That it was just "supposed to happen" (at some point at least).
WRONG WRONG WRONG
"In order to change the way something is, you must first know WHY it is the way it is."
-Unknown
Why do so many of us have it wrong? There are many factors, but I'll highlight the few important ones.
We have been lied to. Yes, you and I have been lied to about what an actual healthy, happy and loving relationship actually is.
How do you imagine it now?
It probably follows some version of this narrative (at least if you're a hopeless romantic like me)...
There you are, minding your own business, down at your local coffee shop just doing some work. When all of a sudden, like a freight train out of nowhere, some stunning young woman (or man) walks in with a big smile on their face, ray of sunshine beaming down on them, as if God had sent them Himself.
You, trying to keep your composure, can feel your heart racing, adrenaline spiking, eyes dilating.
They order their drink and don't notice you at first, but as if by some magic, conversation organically is brought up, most likely by them because you're too shy to say sh*t.
Their chit-chat about your computer, backpack, shoes, or jacket is the topic of conversation, and it's just all smiles and shared laughter.
You both can feel the tension, keep it light, but your soul is on fire.
Before the conversation is over, you exchange numbers, still googly-eyed, and promise to chat and meet up at a future date. Because as we know (not really), this 3 minute exchange was enough to get you both so flustered, neither one of you can wait to see the other again.
And from there, it's fantasy after fantasy after fantasy, happily ever after...BULLSH*T!
!!!THIS DOES NOT HAPPEN LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!!!
YOU ARE LIVING A LIE, IN FANTASYLAND
IF YOU THINK THIS IS HOW IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN
Does this happen? Sure it does, maybe...but it's not something I am going to bet on happening.
This is the same as winning the lottery, aka the Lottery Bias. That states that, your life will change, BOOM, in one instant with little to NO effort on your part, and that somehow your life will become 100X better made by chance.
Does everyone who smokes cigarettes get lung cancer? No, but I'm not trying to increase my chances of it happening (this is an inverse example).
You cannot bet something as important, as amazing, as awesome as a true loving partner, companion, teammate, lover and friend on something as slim as chance.
What can you do?
I am going to give you here, with no guarantees, how to INCREASE YOUR ODDS of finding your beloved Romeo or Juliet.
Yes, there are ways to increase your odds of finding someone you are looking for.
DO:
-Love yourself first
-Things you enjoy for the sake of their enjoyment (movies, dinners, dancing etc)
-Take yourself out on a date
-Raise your standards (and keep them raised)
-Work on yourself, work goals, dreams and ambitions
-Respect yourself enough to know you want the BEST
-Work on communicating your hopes, wants and dreams out of a healthy relationship
-Put in the work! (it's not going to magically happen)
-BE WEARY OF RED FLAGS ✋
DON'T:
-Look for "the one" in everyone!
-Go out hoping to find "someone" (go out just to have fun)
-Feel sorry for yourself in the waiting
-Hook up with strangers! 😒*This goes for Men & Women (don't be a man-hoe) 😆
-Lower your standards just because s/he is "good enough"
-NEVER 👏 F*&%ING 👏 SETTLE
-Give up too soon, but know if something isn't going to work out and be willing to walk away
There is so much more to talk about, and so many unique situations that I could write on pages and pages!
But start with these things for now.
Raise your standards, STOP living in Fantasyland, and begin to love yourself and your journey! I mean it!
Wishing you the best,
Doran
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